Me Mumbaikar!

The title of this post and the author have absolutely nothing in common. I am not "Me Mumbaikar". I never was and I don't see me becoming one in the future either. I don't like the idea of a city where the predominant way of getting someone's attention is to smack their lips and make a half sucking half kissing sound. Or the ubiquitous and rather disgusting "Chi Chi". Mumbaikars and well, people who live in Mumbai( two different categories, mind you) will know what I am talking about.

I am a North Indian(read: Bihari) who grew up in Calcutta, studied management in Ahmedabad and now live in Mumbai. Back home in Calcutta, they say "Ey Dada" (Dada means elder brother). In Bihar they say "Arrey Bhaisaab" (again a variation on brother combined with the more western "sir"). But what do they say in Mumbai?Nothing. They either make a smacking kissing sound or call you out with the charming "Chi Chi". That is the respect and consideration a fellow human being is given in this marvellously industrious city.

Mumbai as a city prides itself on being always busy and chaotic and money to be made and businesses to be done. But when progress reaches a point where respect for people is just not worth the effort, well then it starts getting just a bit uncomfortable. And that is what most Mumbaikars will tell you too. "Who has the time for all that?" You have to be efficient with your time. This is a city that values efficiency over human dignity.

Mumbai is of and for and the rich. Even if it is by the poor.You think the restaurants are over-priced and you feel you have a right to watch a film in a multiplex for less than 300 bucks?Too bad. Go back to Delhi. Or patna. Or whatever inglorious hole you crawled out of to come to this marvellopus land of air-kissing socialites and homicidal auto-wallahs. And bleeding heart activists who think a human's life is nowhere as valuable as a dog's. Or better still- a kiten's. Surely, no one can disagree kittens are much more necessary to save than our poor!

That's the other thing. Every city has it's share of xenophobia but this city makes an art form out of it. Maybe because of coming under attack on various occasions, there is a very prominent "If you're not with us, you're against us" way of thinking. If India wasn't such a vibrant democracy, I would worry about MNS's similarity to the Nazi Socialist Party of the 30's.

I understand this is an outsider's view and is such is lacking in a certain understanding that comes in living in a place for years. I also realize Mumbai has been hurt and crippled by the mafia,terrorists,politicians,bollywood celebs and ofcourse the greatest villain of them all- us. The complacent middle class that watch as the city we live in and even maybe love gets raped to death. And why is she being raped? Because she can be raped.

We all try and survive our personal traumas and go on but something changes in us. We carry baggage that affects and limits us and cities are no different. Cities carry baggage of their past too. So does Bombay/Mumbai. Bombay is no more. But Mumbai still carries her ghost around.

So in conclusion, I am no Mumbaikar. But I think I get why Mumbai is so messed up. It's not the greatest city in the world and I will never love it. But I can be indulgent of it's potholes. But not blind to them. Mumbai, you suck. But it's okay. I don't hold it against you. There might be some funk left in you afterall.